By: Lauren Harrison- Cambodia 2018
“How was Cambodia?” What a loaded question. How do I even begin to find the words to accurately describe everything I experienced and learned the past eight weeks? It's been less than 48 hours since I have returned home to the United States. This blog is my attempt at answering that question, and the start of what will be a lot of processing in the upcoming days, months, and who knows, maybe even years. It’s kind of a combination of a bunch of mini blog posts put into one, but hopefully by reading this you can be blessed in some way!
He’s After My Heart
Besides, “How was Cambodia?” another question I am anticipating I will hear a lot is, “What did you do there?” When you hear the words “mission trip” it’s easy and natural to think of service and doing good things, so it makes sense that this would be one of the first questions people would ask me and want to know. I will gladly share what we did in Cambodia, but that’s not the focus of this blog post.
One of the first things that I learned on our trip is that Jesus cares so much more about our hearts than the things we do. I could do a million good things and acts of service that look good on the outside, but if my heart is in the wrong place it won’t even matter to God. 1 Samuel 16:7 says,
“…For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks at the outward appearance but the Lord looks at the heart.”
“Being a good christian” doesn’t mean doing a bunch of good things to check them off a list, look good on the outside, or feel like a good person, which I think is the mindset that a lot of people have. Jesus is after our hearts. He wants us to know Him and love Him and be in relationship with Him more than anything else. He doesn’t want us to do good things out of obligation, to look good for others, or for any other reason other than because we love Him. He wants to shape our hearts so that living from a place of generosity and service is our natural instinct and the way we want to live. The more I seek Christ and begin to look like Him, the more this becomes true for me.
Having this mindset helped me a lot during our trip. There were some weeks where we had a lot of downtime, so it was easy to ask ourselves, “What are we even doing here?” I think God brought me to Cambodia to shape my heart more than anything else. I remember towards the beginning of our trip one of our ministry hosts told us that she expected to see us grow not by working hard, but by building character in the things that we did together. God loves to see me serving, but He loves when I spend time with Him and seek Him even more. Perhaps instead of asking myself, “What do I want to do with my life?” a better question is, “Who do I want to become?”
Rest, My Child
Rest. This was such a difficult concept for me eight weeks ago. I’ve always known that rest is important, but to be quite honest I have never been good at it. Whenever people tell me that I need to rest, I just shrug my shoulders and carry on with whatever I want to do. I am a very extroverted person who loves to be busy or with people pretty much all of the time. To me, rest = boredom. Now, after spending eight weeks halfway across the world, rest is something that I have grown to treasure and desire. I actually enjoy resting.
Some of the weeks we were in Cambodia we were really busy. We spent two weeks working with Victory Church and our days were filled with dancing, singing, teaching, face painting, balloon animal making, evangelizing, and hanging out with lots of kids and families. These were some of my favorite weeks. However, several of our weeks we had a lot of free time at the hostel to relax and spend however we chose. Normally, I would be quick to look for things to do to fill my time and schedule, but there’s only so many things you can think of when you are living in a foreign country for two months on a limited budget. I think it was very intentional that God put me in this position.
This summer, I rid myself of the mindset that I constantly need to be busy, and it was so freeing (and difficult at times, I’ll admit). I read 9 books and watched countless movies. I filled almost an entire journal with my thoughts, prayers, and revelations. I practiced hand lettering and watched several sermons. I remember telling my team on the way there that I wanted to journal every single day, which I actually did. Almost every morning, instead of sleeping in or scrolling through social media right when I woke up, I spent time in the word and journaling, praying, processing and reflecting. On the days when I didn’t do that, I felt off and like I was missing something.
Something I learned through this process of discipline and rest is that the more time I spent resting in the Lord and reading His word, the more I began to desire and crave more of Him. No one enjoys reading their bible or praying when they are doing it because they think they have to. Yet when you do it because you want to, it is so fruitful and life-giving. I managed to read through three of the gospels and half of Acts this summer, and I grew more in my knowledge and understanding of God in eight weeks than I have in a long time. My faith deepened a ton and I came home much more rooted in Christ. I asked lots of big questions and was able to have rich conversations with my teammates and the people God placed around me. This had nothing to do with me being in Cambodia. It was simply because I made a choice to be intentional with my time, rest, and allow God to speak to me. Maybe sometimes we think we aren’t hearing from God simply because we never take the time to slow down and really listen to Him.
What does “mission trip” even mean?
When you go on a mission trip, the title often carries with it the expectation that you will have a “spiritual high” and that you will encounter God in huge ways and feel closer to Him than when you are at home. Often people return home from mission trips and are disappointed when the “spiritual high” wears off and they feel the same as they did before they left. This also happens with similar experiences like the first time someone goes to a Young Life camp. Here’s my thoughts on why.
First off, the idea that you can only feel close to God on a mission trip is an idea that we have constructed ourselves. People feel closer to God when they are serving in other countries simply because they seek Him more, not because they are on a mission trip. James 4:8 says,
“Come near to God and He will come near to you.”
God is the same, everywhere. When you are on a trip with the purpose of serving God, it’s more natural to want to wake up early, read your bible, and spend your free time intentionally. When we do this, we draw closer to God. Then, when we get home, it’s more natural to want to sleep in and spend our time on social media or watching Netflix- not drawing near to God. God is right there the whole time. He doesn’t change or grow more distant from us based on our circumstances and surroundings. So what’s the difference?
Why do we feel so much closer to Him when we are on mission trips, at Young Life camp, or any other service-oriented trip? It’s because we are choosing to draw close to Him.
Just because I traveled to Asia on a “mission trip” doesn’t mean that I was automatically going to grow in my faith. Sure, God could teach and show me things through the people and culture around me, but I had to make a choice to draw near to God and really lean in. I didn’t grow in my faith because of where I was. I could have easily chosen to disengage and use all of my free time watching netflix and scrolling through instagram. Here’s what I really had to nail into my brain: The God in Cambodia is the exact same God that’s in the United States.
Once you fully understand the idea that God doesn’t change based on where you are or what you’re doing, it makes it easier to seek Him at home. God isn’t going to speak to me less just because I am in Gig Harbor, Seattle, or wherever else I am living. While I was in Cambodia, I spent time asking myself why my desire to seek God often changes based on where I am. It’s a good question to ask yourself if you’ve ever felt the same way. I’ve learned that God is always ready and willing to speak to us, and that the title of “mission trip” really doesn’t mean much to God at all. If the purpose of a mission trip is to serve God and to love and learn from the people around you, why can’t my entire life just be one mission trip?
Thoughts on Expectations
Before leaving for Cambodia, I didn’t really have any expectations for the trip. I signed up because I love to serve and travel, and I was intrigued by the idea of having a two month long adventure outside of my comfort zone and growing in my faith. All I knew was that we’d be living at a hostel, doing some sort of ministry, and probably sweating a lot. Beyond that, I really had no idea what we would experience when we stepped off the plane on July 2, 2018. I left with an expectant heart and ready to receive everything God had for me there. Looking back, I can honestly say that my time in Cambodia was better than I ever could have imagined myself. So, here’s something I learned:
Not having any expectations, but rather being open-handed and willing to receive whatever God has for me is the best way to live. Sometimes that is easier said than done, but with a lot of practice and grace it’s definitely possible. 1 Corinthians 2:9 says,
“No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no human mind has conceived the things God has prepared for those who love him.”
Having expectations often sets us up for disappointment and causes us to miss out on the things that God has for us. As a very recent college graduate, it is easy to feel like I need to have specific plans for my life, or at least a “five year plan” mapped out so that I am able to give an answer when people ask me what I want to do with my life (side note for all you parents/adults out there: That is the worst question to ask someone who is 21 years old—do you really think we know??). The bible tells me that when I love God, I can’t even imagine all of the things that He has prepared for me. Yes, it is okay and good to have goals and ambitions, but there is so much freedom and peace to be found in not having expectations or plans for your life, but letting God guide you where He wants you to go.
So, these are my thoughts and just a few things God has been teaching me. I've learned a ton in the past eight weeks, and I will probably continue processing and reflecting for a long time! If you made it this far, thank you for reading! I hope that you can feel encouraged by something that I shared :)